she said trust, give it time

Above all else,  guard your heart. For everything you do flows from it. 

-Proverbs 4:23

So I kind of forgot about this page. Whoops! ha ha

Ukraine was simply AMAZING. It was one of the best expereinces of my life. Trusting God was the best decision I made that summer since I never actually made it to IAWAH. I ended up staying at home against my better judgement and spent the last summer making memories with my beautiful and wise Oma. She ended up passing away in October of 2010, which messed me and my family up for a while. Oma lived a full life, and I know she’s rocking it with Jesus right now, but there’s something missing in my life without her. I miss the sound of her breathing, her sloppy wet kisses, and the way she always told me I was being ridiculous in her thick, Dutch accent. 

The rest of 2010 and into September of 2011 I struggled, unbeknownst to myself, with depression. It wasn’t until a retreat with the Christian fellowship group did God really reveal to me that my thoughts and emotions were not healthy and that I needed to deal with some stuff in my life. 

Since then, God stressed that I needed to be better at guarding my heart, especially when it came to crushing. Honestly, I’m lonely. I yearn for the day when I meet the man who will be my best friend, a man I’ll respect, a man I’ll be able to love and cherish. A man who loves God more than I do. A man who lovingly will correct me and lead me and our family towards a closer relationship with Christ. A man who will dry my tears and make me laugh. A man who laughs at my corny jokes. 

This list could go on forever, but I can’t be trying to find this person or open my heart to them until God awakens those emotions in His time. I’ve held on to everything for 21 years, and I’m not planning on giving those things to anyone but my future husband. I’m not interested in dating around, I’m interested in getting married to my best friend. 

So, what am I going to do in the meantime? Pray. Because I can’t do this on my own.

Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

 - 1 Thessalonians 5:17

Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word,they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct.Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.

- 1 Peter 3:1-6