“Friends come and friends go, but a TRUE friend sticks by you like family.”-Proverbs 18:24
Have you ever been estranged from a good friend because of a silly reason? Or maybe you just stopped talking, drifted apart or had a big argument that you couldn’t solve so you walked away?
For me, it was an awkward situation and circumstance which lead me to be separated from a good friend.
Here’s the back story…
Back in first year I met a guy (I don’t want to publish his name, so we’ll call him Dreads) who kind of became friends with me and my roommates through the Christian Fellowship group on campus. We really clicked and ended up spending a bunch of time together and really got to know each other super well. He had moved up to our northern city from Toronto because his girlfriend lived here, and was taking a construction program at the college.
I ended up staying in the city for the spring semester and, since his program was a full 3 semesters, he was here too. The christian fellowship dwindles down in the summer, so Dreads and I ended up spending even more time getting to know each other, which was great, and in my eyes, he became my city brother. We talked so easily together and could just sit on my couch or go for a walk and chat for hours. And, since Dreads was in a committed relationship, I saw him as neutral territory. A Switzerland. No chance of ever dabbling in relationship territory.
When I left the city in May, Dreads was still a taken man, however, a few weeks later he was suddenly single. At the time I thought nothing of it.
After summer was over and after I moved back to the city, I found myself missing my brother in Christ Dreads. He had moved back to Toronto since his program had finished in August. He came back to the city for a visit during first semester and things were the same. We would walk, chat, drink coffee, and sit on my couch for hours. Things were great! But then, suddenly things were MUCH different.
Around November when Dreads told me that he was moving back to the city. HUZAH! I was so happy to have my brother back! He asked if we could skype to catch up and chat and we did. And then later that week we skyped again. And then again. And then again. Soon we were skyping and texting almost everyday. He was the first person I talked to when I woke up, and the last person before I went to bed. He started asking me personal questions, like my favourite colour and favourite smell, veering into territory where no one really had ever trecked through in my brain, and also in my heart.
Then, I realized what was happening.
Dreads was PURSUING me.
And I kind of liked it.
There was only one problem though. This was all through non-video skype and text. Hindsight being 20-20, RED FLAG.
It all came to a head on New Year’s Eve, when he came up to the city and visited me. The moment I saw him, I knew my heart wasn’t in it. I realized that I kind of forgot about praying and asking God whether this was the right relationship to invest in. I felt God telling me to pull back, slap that thing into reverse, and get out.
I told him how I was feeling, and he said he was feeling the same. Even now, I’m not too sure if that was the truth though.
After New Years, Dreads and I stopped talking. He moved up to the city, and began attending christian fellowship events again. However I avoided him.
I dove into prayer, seeking and asking God for what my next move should be. Should I be friends with Dreads again? Should I let him in my heart?
What God told me wasn’t what I wanted to hear. It broke my heart. I needed to stop talking to Dreads. I had neglected to guard my heart, as God commands in Proverbs 4:23. God was also NOT the CENTER of Dread’s and my relationship. God was kind of in it, but he sure wasn’t at the center of it.
So I stopped responding to his texts. When he gave up trying to talk to me I deleted his number and started avoiding him.
This all happened a year and a half ago.
——————-
We didn’t talk for a year and a half. My heart hurt for my brother. I missed Dreads and his companionship. However recently, God prompted me to heal this relationship I once lost. Through prayer and scripture, I realized that now was the time for us to be friends again. So last weekend I apporached him, and me being a blunt and straight forward gal, said “Can we be friends again?”
And he said yes. :)
So this week we met for coffee. We chatted as if no time had passed, and it was wonderful. Turns out he had some soul searching to do too, and our year and a half apart was, in my eyes for Dreads, the best thing that could have happened. He had really grown over the past year and I knew the things that God had shown me all that time ago as reasons to run had been dealt with.
Will we ever be in that relationship zone again? Nope. But he is my brother. He’s my family. And I’m overjoyed to welcome him back into my life.
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