Hello everyone out there!
It’s been a while since I’ve shared anything on here… whoops. Life got a lil’ bit craycray.
It’s June now! After a month of being a jobless bum, I got a job working at a church in the city, so I get to stay here for the entire summer! Woohoo! The church is a lot more conservative than I’m used to and I’m a bit hesitant about all the rules and such, but tomorrow is my first Sunday teaching Sunday School and I’m teaching a lesson I’ve been working on all week. I’m super pumped and a bit scared though, but I know God’s got it all under control!
Now that that’s out of the way, here’s what’s on my mind.
Have you ever met one of those people, usually of the opposite sex, when you’re hopelessly attracted to them yet you just want to punch them in the face because they frustrate you so much? yeah. Not too sure how I should be handling this, but I honestly think it’s so silly. I was talking with a lovely wise woman in my life about this a few weeks ago, and I can’t make sense of it. Why would God put such a person in my path? Or maybe it’s not God at all, and just my raging lonely hormones trying to find something to crush on. Whatever it is, it’s actually the most frustrating things in the whole world. And, being a woman who firmly believes in the art of pursuit by a man, I can’t even try to see if the attraction is just my heart playing games with me, or if it’s completely unfounded. It’s a bit of a conundrum. So I’ve come up with a partial solution, which involves a little Ruth-Boaz action.
As Mark Driscoll interpreted in his series, Redeeming Ruth, I’ve been pulling a put-yourself-infront-of-the-man-all-pretty-like-and-hope-he-notices-because-men-are-thick-sometimes. Although I haven’t intentionally been stalking this person, I have been randomly bumping into them (like actually randomly, not intentionally) looking half-decent and trying to figure out if my emotions are real or if I actually just want to punch this person in the face.
Surprisingly, the person is a lot nicer than I thought they were. Like not even close to the person I had thought they were. And little by little, that punching reflex seems to be subsiding.
But, God being God, nothing else has happened. He’s softening my heart and changing my feelings towards this person. Maybe it’s just so that I can learn to get a long with them better. Or maybe it’s more. I’m leaving it with God because I know that His plans for my life are abundantly better and perfect than anything I can control or create for myself.
In the mean time, I’m still going to battle with this loneliness and deep desire for companionship. I have my good days, and then, like today, I have my bad days. Thankfully, I have good accountability partners and fantastic friends who steer me towards to truth found in God’s word and the fulfillment I have in Christ.
Here’s some music I’m listening to today. Next to reading the Bible, some good worship is the best remedy for depression. God’s love NEVER FAILS. It NEVER GIVES UP. It NEVER RUNS OUT.
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