one isn't the loneliness number.

“I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.”

- 1 Corinthians 7:32-35

This verse is completely and utterly true. I find in my singleness I yearn for companionship, yet this verse speaks truth. It begs the question, why do I use my time trying to seek companionship and what I don’t have instead of chasing after Christ and bettering the relationship with my Bridegroom which I already possess? 

As I read through the first half of 1 Corinthians on the beach yesterday I felt as though I had never read it before. New meaning was popping out left right and center and really challenging me in my singleness.

Paul ENCOURAGES us to be single. He sees it as the only way to be completely and utterly devoted to Christ. Again and again Paul declares singleness to be a blessing.

So why hasn’t anyone ever told me this before?

I feel as though our culture, both Christian and secular, emphasize that you are not complete without a significant other. Sometimes I feel as though I have no choice but to be a girlfriend, wife and mother. Women in my past have told me to write a checklist of what I want in a future husband and to not settle for anything less, yet are always asking me and almost pressuring me to find a boyfriend as if I’m such a waste without one. Then there’s that cliché line “When you stop looking, you’ll find the one”, but doesn’t that imply that you never stopped looking? 

I find myself convicted because I too have found myself asking the same questions and giving the same advice I was given to younger women. I think I’ve been going about the whole topic wrong. Why does finding a life parter have to be such a selfish pursuit? 

Through this phase of my life and learning to guard my heart, I’ve discovered that I need to be less selfish in my pursuit of trying to find someone to fit my wants and needs, and to being thinking about how I will submit, serve and support any man that may meander into my life. 

I need to begin re-focussing my desires to be a wife and mother into undivided devotion to the Lord. It says in 1 Peter 3:1-4

“Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.”

I’m learning through all of this that a clean heart is what God cares about most. Not one that’s been scarred through many relationships. I praise God that I’ve been guarded in the past by His mercy and grace and have avoided any relationships that in hindsight would not have kept my heart intact. 

For now and the foreseeable future, I will begin and learn to take delight in my singleness and praise the Lord everyday for this opportunity to be completely and utterly devoted to Him and His desires for my life. 

“Create in me a clean heart, O God,    and renew a right spirit within me.Cast me not away from your presence,    and take not your Holy Spirit from me.Restore to me the joy of your salvation,    and uphold me with a willing spirit.”

- Psalm 51:10-12